Happy Birthday Girl
when I pause and consider with what feelings I was swamped this time last year it is all a bit scary. In the early hours of this morning I have been considering before the Lord the straightforward birth in the cool of the day and then the gradually unfolding drama beginning with Victoria's not crying and then her arms and legs 'falling out' of the blanket she was wrapped up. Lucy's taking Victoria to the lounge to greet her waiting brothers, David's comment, some time in the first hour, 'she reminds me of someone'. The words 'we'll have to transfer you by ambulance' and the feeling of hopelessness as I struggled to keep walking down the hall, looking at James and saying 'I'll be back later' as he asked how long I would be (and whenever he sees an ambulance he always remembers the pain of seeing me being 'taken away'). My feelings of guilt because I wasn't saying 'where's my baby' while I was lying in hospital 'starving' while (as I later found out) my personal fate was being decided - whether surgery was going to be performed on me. the feelings of it all being like a horrible dream too unreal to be life and wondering whether it would ever get to an end. The immense joy I had seeing Timothy lead a band-of-4 in to see me later in the day - including Lucy who took my neglected condition in hand and saw to it that a bath was arranged and a wheelchair so Timothy could push me up to see Victoria. The amazing warmth, kindness and confidence of Dr Otunla as he showed Timothy and I what he was looking at on the echo he was doing on Victoria. The gradual turn-around in my feelings and beginning of connectedness with Victoria when the nurse looking after her gave me a photo of MY BABY. The look on David's face when I handed it over to him and he later said 'this is all we HAVE' 'she's the most beautiful baby in the world, I can't wait for her to come home'. All these thoughts are accompanied by 'photos' in my head and with the photos tears, frustration, pain, hopelessness, peace, joy and laughter. What a day that was! Of course, we don't expect Victoria to remember any of it but as she grows up I will always try to help her learn about it and the way that so very many people all over the world sustained us through prayer and the Sovereign Creator, who planned it all though it was a surprise to us until the it began to unfold, has done such amazing things that we can't begin to understand the wonders of it all - but we PRAISE HIM all the same.
Hoping for a less dramatic year but resolute in our confidence that if the Lord could get us through this last year, He can be depended on with all the future years, He won't let us crumble.
Last night before I went to sleep I read in Daniel 10 : 19 And he said, "O man greatly beloved, fear not! Peace be to you: be strong, yes, be strong!", when he spoke to me I was strengthened, and said, "let my lord speak, for you have strengthened me."