Updates on Victoria Lily Joy van den Broek, born 120705.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

ups and downs - mostly downs.....

Yesterday was a day full of gloom. A blocked duct was causing great pain and after dinner (eaten in terrific haste because Victoria was bellowing, uncharacteristicly) Victoria threw back at least 10mls of my milk. I sat and wept and considered that the only person who really considers my needs is Lucy - and she is gone. Of course I know there are many others who, if they were nearer, would minister to me but I was not seeing straight yesterday and felt I was NOT the kind of mother Victoria needed - I felt VERY impatient with her dozy consumption of trifling amounts of milk....
With big doses of garlic, vit C and (in the end ) ibuprofen the situation improved overnight and this morning, when Viv called round to check up on me, she confirmed that the blockage seems to be resolving. I am thankful for this. I was thinking that while I was asking the Lord to clear up the blockage He was doing it while I was still asking him. I wondered whether the nobleman , whose child Jesus healed at a distance, felt at all anxious (as the distance between himself and Jesus increasedon his return trip home having been told his child would live). As he went home alone with the burden of inner pain about his child - maybe he believed so fully that it never crossed his mind to doubt - but then again maybe the burden was only fully lifted when the servants met him and told him the good news.... While thinking about how I could rest confident in His care it came to me that I am just a branch - He is the vine. Trying to realise my branch-ness is not what I should be about, only to stop acting like I am a free-standing branch would bring me into a place of peace.... Viv called this morning and agreed with me that the blockage was not turning into an infection and was, in fact, slowly, sorting itself out - the pain is certainly MUCH less than yesterday, Praise the Lord.
Next week we have the joyful prospect of a dear 'mother in Israel' (actually she may not be any older, maybe younger, than me....) coming to help out and other dear saints bringing meals each day from Tuesday to Friday.
Tommorow we have an appointment with our Dr Tosin as Victoria is looking bluer and being cold and also sweaty. She is still pretty bright at times and generally feeds quite well. Because I want her to have increased in weight I shall be up every three hours tonight to get in as much milk as poss.


  • At 7:55 PM, Anonymous Janet Soppitt said…

    Hi there Tracey
    You don't know me but I am from the Deut list and over the past couple of days haev read your blog. I myself have just had our 5th child and we are in the process of trying to move to Canada. I know this is God's plan for us, and is nothing compared to what you are contending with at the moment but I did want to communicate to say that, fristly, your blog has really encouraged me, and secondly to sya that today I have been meditating on Isaiah 40 which talks of god gently leading those who have young. The rest of the chapter reall impacted me as to the "big-ness" of God and how nothing is impossible for Him. Most of the time I feel totally overwhelmed by life but it was really comforting to remeber again how great God is and think about His sufficiency for all that we are going thropugh from moment to moment.
    I am praying for you that you would know His greatness in your weakness and His strenght for every moment but particularly for the times when you feel overwhelmed by the circumstances.
    Many blessings


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